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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845188">An Open Letter to My Facial Hair and Its Refusal to Grow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola'>yikesola</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Commissions [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2020, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Second Person</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I don’t understand. The houseplants are all growing. The hair on my head is growing. Phil’s fucking toenails are still growing (they scratched against my calf in the middle of the night and hurt like hell, thank you very much) but you simply refuse. You always have.<br/>A ficlet about patience and puberties.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Commissions [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1469918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Open Letter to My Facial Hair and Its Refusal to Grow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a commissioned piece for <a href="http://letgladnessdwell.tumblr.com/">letgladnessdwell</a> 💞</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I figured it was about time we had this talk. I’ll be 29 in a matter of hours. And I may have had some lazy moments and some desperate moments and some truly deeply depressed moments over those years, but I always showed up. I always gave what I could. </p><p>I guess, right now what I’m asking is why you haven’t. </p><p>Oh, you’ve made some valiant attempts. The week between Christmas and New Years where I always hold off on shaving stubble to give you your best chance. That time I spent two weeks in France and you could only muster what someone who is pheromone-conditioned to find me endearing and alluring could only refer to as “a dodgy moustache.” And right now of course, several months into a global health crisis where somewhere along the line I decided <i>fuck it</i> and just let you grow… and you won’t! </p><p>I don’t understand. The houseplants are all growing. The hair on my head is growing. Phil’s fucking toenails are still growing (they scratched against my calf in the middle of the night and hurt like hell, thank you very much) but you simply refuse. You always have. </p><p>At least tell me what I’ve done to make you hate me, please. </p><p>You first showed up around puberty, which already wasn’t a great time for me. Maybe you mistook my self-loathing for loathing you? I’m so sorry, if you did. </p><p>The thing is, I don’t care all that much about actually growing you, facial hair. It’s not a look I’m desperate for. I’ve tried the filters and they always look like shit, something about where the shadows and the follicles are, they just don’t work.  </p><p>But it is the fact that I <i>cant’</i> that has me spiralling. Has me worried over things like how I’m a man but I don’t feel manly, and about how nebulous gender is anyways. I mean, when I actually stick to a workout regimen I don’t worry about where and how my muscles show up. When I buy a jumper that happened to come from the women’s section I don’t panic. </p><p>But when it’s been five days without me so much as looking at a razor and the best I have resembles a fourteen-year-old walking into the local Costa and smelling like I’ve never heard of deodorant asking if they’re hiring because I want money to pay for music festivals— I just know you can do better. I know <i>we</i> can do better. Even if it takes another ten years and another forty puberties. Let me help you help me here. </p><p>—Dan</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading— come say hi on <a href="http://yikesola.tumblr.com/post/621561897791127552/an-open-letter-to-my-facial-hair-and-its-refusal">tumblr</a> !<br/>Inspiration from <a href="http://www.mcsweeneys.net/columns/open-letters-to-people-or-entities-who-are-unlikely-to-respond/">this website</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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